The Man Cave is mostly on the decline these days. Now that
an Xbox 360 and a 50-inch LCD can give you all the magnificent joy that games
can provide, there’s very little reason to actually stock your basement or
garage with devices that require other people to come over and play. After
you’ve reduced a Korean teenager to screaming fits over a Halo match online, there’s really no reason to invite your neighbor
over so he can leave sweaty palm prints on your ping pong table. We’re moving
toward that sci-fi future where people are kept clean and sterile and isolated
from one another, and I for one couldn’t be happier.
But if you want a bit of a nostalgia trip—or if you’re too
young to remember what it was like to hang out with other people—here are 4
games on the iPhone that mimic the average contents of a 90’s Man Cave:
Glow Hockey 2
Air Hockey was a glorious way to work up an afternoon’s
resentment toward friends and family. The gentle humming of the motor and the
CRACK! of the puck as it ricocheted
around that carcinogen-coated table was pure magic.
In the final death throes of the arcades, most places
brought in tables that glowed, a gimmick that didn’t exactly keep the quarters
rolling in. But the tables were cheap to salvage for your home rec room, and now
you can relive the experience on your iPhone. The app doesn’t come with a
father that takes out his frustrations on the table for an hour and then
quietly tells you to never get married, but you can always imagine that part.
Foosball
I was never a big fan of this game, but a foosball table was
the staple of every rec room, from the ones in your garage to the church
basements where the AA meetings were held. You spin a bunch of long-legged guys
vertically and chaotically attempt to slam a ball past the goalie, and the app
does a very passable imitation of that. It doesn’t recreate the beer can rings
or the cigarette burns on the hand rests, but give them time.
Pool
There are several versions of this game on the iPhone, some
free and some not. You can take your pick, but it really is a fun way to kill 5
minutes. You can pretend you’re shooting your troubles away in your co-worker’s
basement paradise, rather than sitting through an online course in traffic
school to avoid getting 2 more points on your driver’s license.
Poker
Again, there are dozens of versions of this to choose from,
even an app that lets you play against famous dead people from history. It’s
one of the most common games in the world for a reason, and one of the few
iPhone apps that can actually prepare you for playing the real thing. Your air
hockey skills aren’t going to be genuinely honed by sliding your finger across
a smartphone screen, but the various poker apps can teach you the basic rules
of a game that predates the steam engine.
Pac-Man
The most recognizable video game in history needs no
introduction, but it’s easy to forget how popular it was in its prime. Arcades
with the friendly yellow mouth were standing in the grimy corners of gas
stations, restaurants, truck stops and more, and by the early 90’s it was retro
enough to be a fixture of many home rec rooms.
A genuine Pac-Man arcade today will cost you about as much
as your first car, but you can get the game on your iPhone for the cost of a
few rounds in quarters from back in 1991. You won’t have the satisfaction of
hearing a quarter drop through that magical slot and clink its way through the
insides of an arcade, but you can make the noises yourself. That bus seat belongs to you anyway, and it
never hurts to throw out a boxcar Willie vibe to keep it that way.
You can load these apps on your iPhone today and start
enjoying your virtual man cave. And if you share your iPhone with someone to
play Glow Hockey 2, you can even get the joy of someone else’s dirty finger
smudges on your personal property. Then you can go home and lovingly run
another handi wipe over your Xbox controller and leave the hippies in the past
where they belong.
Author bio:
John is a passionate tech blogger and writer. He also writes
as a freelancer for some respected brands such as ProtectYourBubble.com, a leading
insurer of tech gadgets and mobile phones.
